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Tag Archives: SF State

A Leonardo Ninja Turtle popsicle from the neighborhood ice cream man.

I unwrapped my Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle popsicle, wondering which of the four turtles it would be. I got Leonardo, the turtle with the dual katanas and the blue bandana. He was the leader of the turtles. He was 18 in turtle years and was expected to lead his brothers against Shredder. That’s a lot of responsibility for a teenager.

I graduated on Sunday from San  Francisco State University. I’ve been helping my parents move from my childhood home of 23 years the past few days, so I haven’t had a chance to let the fact sink in. My parents are moving from my childhood home because they lost it to the bank because they refinanced the house with the belief that the housing market would continue its upward trend. Instead, the market crashed and my parents are now forfeiting the house to the bank.

Now that I’ve graduated, I know I’m supposed to find a job. It would also help if I could find a new place to live. This is a transitional time in my life but I don’t feel like myself. I keep asking myself what I’m supposed to do now. I’ve trained all this time to be a journalist and I’m afraid that I’ve built up a deluded sense of grandeur.

I’ve always had a sense of grandeur though. Which leads me back to Leonardo and the popsicles of my youth.

I stood on my driveway this afternoon as the sun slowly set, turning the sky orange and then pink. We heard the familiar “Für Elise” that our local neighborhood ice cream truck plays before we saw it. As the truck rounded the corner, the all-too familiar but nostalgia sunk in as it slowed down in front of us. I knew what my Popsicle choice was before the truck even came to a complete stop.

I waited for my family to choose their ice creams, ranging from It’s-Its to large sour pops. I asked for the Ninja Turtle pop and unwrapped it. I had a flashback to ten-year-old me standing in the front yard of my house, unwrapping the same Popsicle during the long and carefree summers.

I used to believe that if I went to school and tried my hardest, I’d end up being okay. My optimism is even part of my motto: Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end. I saw myself traveling and being happy and meeting people and having lots of money.

I’m 24-years-old now and I’m supposed to be an adult. I don’t even know where to start. Is it time for a new beginning? Do I just get over myself and push through these feelings? It’s not that easy.

With all of these changes taking place, I don’t feel happy or sad. I feel nothing. Which I think is even worse because I feel like a robot.

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