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Category Archives: Personal

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This was the last photo I took of America. It’s hazy maybe because of the perpetual San Francisco fog, maybe because my iPhone’s case had finally broken off and the lens had been scratched from sliding across the ground, or because time always makes memories look hazy the further we are from an event. I don’t think I’ll ever know. Why did I make it the photo of a plane? It should have been something cool like a San Francisco skyline or a homeless man peeing on the street outside my apartment. Something to help me remember home.

Six months ago, I moved to London. I couldn’t pass up an opportunity like this. Every time I talk to family and friends, I hear the same things: “How’s the weather over there?” “You living the European lifestyle?” “Can you please send us pictures?” “We miss you but can you please pay your cell phone bill?”

Unlike the typical backpack-through-Europe-as-a-pre-adulthood-adventure that so many of my peers have taken, I’ve been sitting in my apartment working and living day-to-day like everyone else. European lifestyle isn’t so different from an American one. I’ll get to those differences later.

For now, let me catch you up with photos because obviously you want to see how much better my life is than yours.

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This is first photo I took in London. It’s from a hotel room overlooking a corner of Hyde Park called Marble Arch. What you can’t see to the left is a bunch of tourists walking down Oxford Street that don’t know on which side of the sidewalk to walk on because wherever they’re visiting from lacks rules for walking in public and they seem to thrive on general anarchy. Oh yeah, there’s also chicken wire because the hotel didn’t want pigeons stooping anywhere near the windows. I felt like a cooped up bird myself.

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The Eye, left, stares intently at Big Ben, right, from across the Thames.

Our first weekend there, Jac and I went to the London Eye, a giant ferris wheel, to really get a good look at London from 443 feet in the sky.

 

Our first few days were exhausting. So much culture and history to absorb. The next weekend, we were jetting off to Ireland for St. Patrick’s Day. Stay tuned for photos from Dublin.

 

 

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A Leonardo Ninja Turtle popsicle from the neighborhood ice cream man.

I unwrapped my Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle popsicle, wondering which of the four turtles it would be. I got Leonardo, the turtle with the dual katanas and the blue bandana. He was the leader of the turtles. He was 18 in turtle years and was expected to lead his brothers against Shredder. That’s a lot of responsibility for a teenager.

I graduated on Sunday from San  Francisco State University. I’ve been helping my parents move from my childhood home of 23 years the past few days, so I haven’t had a chance to let the fact sink in. My parents are moving from my childhood home because they lost it to the bank because they refinanced the house with the belief that the housing market would continue its upward trend. Instead, the market crashed and my parents are now forfeiting the house to the bank.

Now that I’ve graduated, I know I’m supposed to find a job. It would also help if I could find a new place to live. This is a transitional time in my life but I don’t feel like myself. I keep asking myself what I’m supposed to do now. I’ve trained all this time to be a journalist and I’m afraid that I’ve built up a deluded sense of grandeur.

I’ve always had a sense of grandeur though. Which leads me back to Leonardo and the popsicles of my youth.

I stood on my driveway this afternoon as the sun slowly set, turning the sky orange and then pink. We heard the familiar “Für Elise” that our local neighborhood ice cream truck plays before we saw it. As the truck rounded the corner, the all-too familiar but nostalgia sunk in as it slowed down in front of us. I knew what my Popsicle choice was before the truck even came to a complete stop.

I waited for my family to choose their ice creams, ranging from It’s-Its to large sour pops. I asked for the Ninja Turtle pop and unwrapped it. I had a flashback to ten-year-old me standing in the front yard of my house, unwrapping the same Popsicle during the long and carefree summers.

I used to believe that if I went to school and tried my hardest, I’d end up being okay. My optimism is even part of my motto: Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end. I saw myself traveling and being happy and meeting people and having lots of money.

I’m 24-years-old now and I’m supposed to be an adult. I don’t even know where to start. Is it time for a new beginning? Do I just get over myself and push through these feelings? It’s not that easy.

With all of these changes taking place, I don’t feel happy or sad. I feel nothing. Which I think is even worse because I feel like a robot.